So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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