I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
