I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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