i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
