i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
