Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
