I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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