I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just cut my nipple shaving
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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