I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize