...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if only i could text you this smell
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize