Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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