The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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