In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
