I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
