Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
