nut hugger
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm both gender and math confused
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
