So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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