so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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