wakey wakey hands off snakey
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
