She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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