I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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