He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
