did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
