somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
