It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
