Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
