i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
