I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
