I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize