I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
