Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
