so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
there's paper in my vomit.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
