My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
