i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
