I think I died a long time ago.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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