eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
