GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize