Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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