My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
