shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
