Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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