I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
