my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
