I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
