she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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