I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
