Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You don't make any sense
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