Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
