please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize