Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize