How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
