I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
