let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
