I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
