The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
