I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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