Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
