My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
