the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize