Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Randomize
