I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this beer tastes like vomit already
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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