I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You can't just leave with hair like that
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
