I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
