Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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