If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
