i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
